Today marks the completion of one year of lost and found. I didn't go to any wilderness journey into the wild but it was more daunting, hurtful, disturbing, amazing and most benefiting year of my life.
On 1st June 2016, I completed my four years of graduation in Engineering. And today I can see many of my juniors posting sad posts about the separation which has come after these years after their graduation.
Let us not explain how and where it started. It all happened in a way one cannot imagine and that is the beauty of it. Volumes have been written about college life, let us keep our experiences to ourselves.
But today I am not pouring out the stories of my graduation years but an immensely important learning.
I was dead-sure when I saw the joining date for MEC (my first job) approaching very fast. I had to report on 1st July. So I planned my one month holiday when my college ended. There were times when I shared with my friends about my fear of joining this core job. I hated it, I hate it and I quit hating it now.
Today I served the last day at MEC!
I resigned on 1st May 2017. Labour day.
There are so many anecdotes connected to the corporate life and how many things came true. How my fear of losing myself came true, how I completely lost my smile. It was Tamasha happening to me! I felt it, my teachers felt it, my close friends felt it but my family didn't.
So when I look back now, What have I learned? What do I make of it?
I am as clueless about what I have to do as I was when I was in my final year of graduation.
But I am happy with this confusion.
Now once again I stand here at crossroads. Where should I go?
There are parents saying, you're good at this! Do it.
There are friends saying to me you should do this job yaar.
There is my brother with his own business ideas ready to absorb me in business. Many attractive proposals are floated in.
There are a few of my teachers who know what I am made for.
And then there are other friends who say something like this, 'Tu uske liye bana hai me kh raha hun' (I'm saying you're made for that thing, bro!)
I cannot understand how other people are sure about themselves or if they are then they're very intelligent to be sure about themselves.
But this level of wisdom of understanding what someone else is made for is respectable! Seriously.
The romantic idea of doing what you love after leaving your job?
It was my decision. It was not yours. Don't be so happy or so sad to learn this. I have received many calls, answered hundred of questions of family and friends. Tolerated bullshit questions and predicaments of people at MEC.
This is what everyone asked me, I know the exact serial number of questions, in order. In the same order, I say!
- Going to TCS then?! (People at MEC knew I had another job offer): No!
- Got another job from the same field? No!
- Want to join family business then? No!
- Oh! You have a business idea, a startup? No!
- Higher studies? No!
- CAT? MBA? No!
- Civil services preparation? No!
- Frustratedly, Fir kya karna hai? (Then what will you do?) ....
It was always followed up by dumbest argument or whatever, 'Batana nahi chahta, aisi hi koi bina job ke nahi resign deta' [Doesn't want to disclose. No one leaves his job before getting another one]
No, I don't have any problem with people saying this. Actually, I don't have any problem with anyone saying whatever about me. I don't have any problem at all now.
Today I learned accepting things, something can be accepted very easily and some take time. It takes courage to leave your job but I don't think one should leave because one just wants to.
Sometimes it is like this. Sometimes it is not.
But if you're not happy then nothing is worth it. It is not at all good to give your 10 months at a place where you're not happy. Be it anything. Anything means any-fucking-thing.
But one of the most important things is that you should not do it because you happened to watch a life-changing video and an inspirational video from someone who doesn't understand a thing about your shit! -It's a farce, inspirational videos!
And this statement, do what you love.
I don't know what I love. Now does it end my life? Or does it extinguish the meaning in my life?
My life has meaning in the ebbs and flow of this time which is flowing with myself and I'm having experiences of a lifetime.
I enjoyed this phase, made most of it. I hated it, loved it because of the money it provided for my education and other endeavors. I will not miss it.
Similarly, I do not miss my friends from college.
I am profoundly happy at this particular moment and according to me, one should let it flow. This flow is your happiness.
One should be mindful of the fact that it is short-lived, this phase of happiness but this unhappiness period seems like years rolling by. Not at the cost of your health and happiness one should do anything.
Just fucking be happy and enjoy this time!
Happy Anniversary to me!
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